No More Mud

If someone in your life is constantly criticizing you, making you the brunt of all their jokes, verbally abusive, and tearing you down, you know what I’m talking about, it feels awful and you’d do anything to avoid them.  Sometimes it feels impossible to dodge their spiteful behavior towards you.  They obviously do not care about your feelings. You have to prepare yourself mentally before even coming in contact with them because you know how vicious they are and they just don’t care. Over time it tears at the very threads of your soul.  They could be a close friend of your spouse and you feel a social obligation to be around them.

If you feel drained and can’t take it any more, then don’t!! It would be no different then standing there and letting someone throw mud at you. Here’s a solution, just make up your mind not to allow it any longer. Don’t allow the feelings of obligation stop you.  Sometimes you may feel just because you’ve been friends for a long time or known them since high school or they did a favor for you once or you are neighbors or a number of reasons why. It is not worth it, there are so many people who will love and respect you for who you are and you don’t need the pain and grief that comes with having them in your life. This is an unsafe person in your life and you need to keep them at a safe distance. To understand more in-depth what I mean by unsafe person, I have a book recommendation called Safe People by Cloud-Townsend. It explains how to be a safe person in relationships and how to detect unsafe people in your life. It’s one of my favorite books.

Unsafe people in our life cause stress and stress always leads to illness, maybe not right away, but eventually it affects your well-being. It is proven science that you can research on your own that stress can negatively impact your health. Look at the word disease and break it down. Unsafe  people can cause dis-ease in your life because of the stress you allow in.  People have died from a broken heart and nervous breakdowns without even being diagnosed with a disease. Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to Yale University. It is not worth your life to allow people to mistreat you. You can love these unsafe people but keep them at a distance, they may be family and you can’t imagine living life without them, but it’s just wrong for anyone, family member or not to treat you in any way other than with mutual respect. When you are the target and each time they come around to criticize you and verbally assault you it is just like they are throwing mud at you and sometimes it even feels worse.

Here is an analogy that will make it feel okay for you to let go of them if they are family. It will feel like you are doing them a great kindness when you let them go. If they are getting mud all over themselves each time they throw it at you, then it is a very good thing for you to help keep them from getting dirty! How about that! It is impossible for someone to stay clean while throwing mud at you, their hands are filthy, it’s on their clothes, shoes, and there could even be other people in the room near by that you need to protect as well. So when they hurt you they are hurting themselves and possibly other loved ones around you. So be good to yourself and do not leave yourself as an open target any longer. You deserve happiness! It might be difficult, but it is possible to remove yourself as a target. Don’t be around for them to throw mud at, it will keep you both clean!

If someone is rude on the phone with you, find a way to get off the phone politely and quickly as possible. If you are not able to carry out what was needed on that phone call, try again later. It’s never worth plugging into the customers anger.

Privacy settings on social networks such as Facebook are a very useful tool. It allows you to decide who you want to share your personal information on, who can write on your wall, comment on your posts etc. Sometimes people do not see other people’s Facebook page as their personal space. If you have someone writing rude remarks on your page and never comment nicely, think about the friendship you have with them. Is it worth it? You can start by deleting their comments. If they continue to write things that are rude to you and you’re not even close, you can unfriend them and they won’t even care more than likely . If it gets real bad and you feel harassed or threatened, don’t think twice, block them for your own safety! They never cared to begin with or they never would have treated you this way on your page in front of all your friends to see. Draw the line, set the boundary and watch how empowered you will feel. You will be doing a good thing for yourself and them.

Remember you don’t want to be around for them to get tempted to pick up the mud and throw it at you any longer! It’s a dirty job getting rid of a mud-slinger in your life, but you can do it!

~ Shannon J. Knight

March 2012

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