Have you ever made a promise to someone and then realized you acted a little impulsively? You know now it was a big mistake and that you should have given it more thought before ever making the promise. Even though coming out with the truth of your feelings and breaking the promise may hurt the other person, the pain would be far greater if you compromised or sacrificed what you wanted.
Take Inventory of Feelings
Do you feel anxiety when you want to say no, but you go ahead and say yes just to please someone? How many times have you felt it was just easier to give in on things you didn’t want to because it would keep the peace? You didn’t want to appear to be the bad guy, so you sacrificed your happiness. Pleasing others is great. But it is important to know that we must learn how to love and care for ourselves too. Recognize how often you are compromising your desires and happiness on a regular basis simply because you are trying to make several people happy. Take a personal inventory and see how often you are doing this. Do you find that some of those decisions you make are out of anxiety, frustration or fear? Family can be difficult to say no to without feeling guilty. What will they think of you if you say no and make yourself a priority over them?
Have you ever made decisions because you felt an obligation or because you didn’t want to rock the boat. If so, think about what you went through. Did you feel as if you gave up a part of yourself? Often it is disastrous. Regret and guilt seep in because you are not honest, and you are compromising your happiness. Are you afraid of being thought of as selfish for meeting your needs? When you are communicating in a healthy way, this is not selfish.
Your needs are very important, and it is going to take the time to make some changes at first. It will feel awkward, but you can start addressing what you want in a healthy way. You can start practicing by writing a list of absolute things you do not want to say yes to anymore. Start with the big things. It can be very surprising what we force ourselves to do for someone else that have made us miserable. It can be something like staying in a relationship that you have known for a very long time was not right for you. Perhaps you are going to a church that is not for you but you go because your friends go or you have to keep up an appearance.
Once you start being true to yourself about what you desire for your happiness, you will feel empowered and start to notice a positive change come over you. You have to start feeling just as good about saying no as you do about saying yes. They are both honest decisions that will be right for you. Live your life authentically and you will feel more happiness. Perhaps there is a friendship that is toxic and damaging to your spirit, and you want it to end but you just don’t want to hurt their feelings or get them upset. Read more here Good-bye Toxic Friendship. Confrontation can be very uncomfortable for you, but there is a way to do this with grace and kindness. You can start by declining some of your social interaction together or sit down and have a talk about what you want to change.
Taking Care of You
Have you ever observed a baby and how they come into this world crying out for their needs. When a baby is thirsty, it cries out, if their diaper needs changing or if they are hungry the baby cries, and the parents come to the rescue. The baby is not worried about what the parents will think if he cries out for what he needs. When we get older, it is not so easy to just ask for what we want. Sometimes a conversation with someone you care about, where you should feel comfortable talking about your dreams, desires, etc. You feel like you are jumping through hoops, running obstacle courses only to end up twisted up in a pretzel doing everything you can to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. You get overwhelmed and exhausted. Eventually, resentment starts to build up.
Your health can be affected by emotional upset. When you are not happy or true to yourself, this can affect your adrenal glands and cause problems with your immune system. Sadly this behavior of pleasing people and constantly trying to avoid hurting others and compromising your happiness can start early in childhood. Whether you “felt” you could never please a parent or both parents or if it “truly was justified” that you were never able to make a parent happy, this developed over the years. Your health is at risk on an emotional and physical level if you do not address these issues. Sometimes it’s chronic health issues, like stomach problems, headaches or other ailments. Frequently it is a slow build up for a much graver disease such as cancer. Below is some information about the impact of emotions and how it can cause cancer.
There is substantial evidence that goes back over 2,000 years that shows the link between unresolved emotional blocks that lead to illness. In fact, many people still use ancient medical systems that work with healing the human body on all levels that would be healing the mind, emotions physical health. It is proven we chronically repress our needs and feelings to accommodate others. I was able to find evidence that this coping style weakens our immune defenses and leaves us more vulnerable to cancer progression.
Of course, there are other ways to get ill due to poor health habits such as smoking that we know can lead to lung cancer and we know that cancer can be hereditary as well. However, we cannot ignore the emotional evidence of the relationship between cancer and C type personality that has existed for centuries. Ancient medical systems, which work with the human body as a totality on all levels, have always known that unresolved emotional conflicts could lead to physiological blockage. We have known for over 2,000 years, from the writings of Plato and Galen and many others that there is a direct correlation between the mind, the body, and one’s health.
Recently, behavioral oncologists have begun conceptualizing a “Type C” personality type, i.e. a personality type more at risk for cancer. Emotions play a crucial part in the development and healing of a serious disease such as cancer. When we have experienced shock and trauma remain deeply affected by the experience, it can become difficult for some to express their inner grief, pain, anger or resentment. They can feel powerless as if there is no way to escape the pain they are feeling inside.
The following characteristics describe a Type C personality:
• denial and suppression of emotions, in particular, anger
• pathological niceness
• avoidance of conflicts
• exaggerated social desirability
• harmonizing behavior
• high rationality
• rigid control of emotional expression
WHO/Word Health Organization statistics shows that 1 in 8 women will have breast cancer by the time they reach age 70. It is staggering if you look at the women around you and do the math. Breast cancer patients have a more favorable outcome when they have a higher fighting spirit. I suffered from breast cancer stage IV, and I am learning to say no. It is quite liberating, and I can clearly identify with the cancer personality. The type of cancer I had which was breast cancer depends on a fighting spirit, and this was something I learned through my entire battle starting in 2006. I am committed to helping empower other cancer patients and sometimes it means helping them stand strong against their family that has gotten used to their people-pleasing personality. It takes hard work to take a stand, but once you liberate yourself, you feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.
Don’t feel guilty, no one can put you on a guilt trip except yourself. You will hear criticisms, lies, and lack of respect for what you want, not just by someone else but by you in your self-talk. A guilt trip serves no one and is like walking around with luggage thinking you are headed somewhere great, but all that happens is the bags just weigh you down day after day. They wear you out and zap the joy out of your life.
Create a visualization for yourself and throw the guilt and all the baggage that goes with it out into the ocean. Visualize what that looks like and let it go. Allow yourself today to be happy and treat yourself as good as you would your best friend or your child. You deserve the same happiness and joy that you give them.
Please visit this link to understand the Cancer Personality fully. It is not worth the sacrifice of your health to give up your personal dreams and desires.
What do you want?
What Ally wanted!